John's Toy Soldiers

Woops!

2012-01-31T10:55:00.000Z

Hmmm, As a Cornishman I am delighted that CNN chose to label Cornwall, and get the location right, in a story about London but, guys, London isn't in Norfolk. No really, it's in southern England on the Thames Estuary, the bight just above the SE corner next to France. France is that bit...Oh never mind.

Yet More Bogeymen

2012-01-30T14:17:00.000Z

Another couple of floating Nurgles to add to my collection.

The rust is a MIG liquid application.

A Nurgling we will go

2012-01-27T09:20:00.001Z

A Nurgling we will indubitably go. I had quite a few spares left over from various projects, in fact, enough to build a Plague Marine squad - with a little modelling.

These are two of my test subjects. I learn't a little and think I an improve on this but they'll do for a free squad.

PS Mrs John says they look like dancing girls with their hands in the air???

Dark Age Warrior Mass Grave

2012-01-25T21:24:00.000Z

One cannot stick a spade in the ground in England without uncovering some history.

This mass grave of executed Viking Warriors was found at Ridgeway Hill in Dorset in 2009 by men working on a road. They have been dated to the reign of Aethelred the Unready (unraed). The nickname is a pun: Aethelred means noble counsel and unraed means bad counsel.The reign did not go well, although he did codify jury trials by twelve thegns and the reeve.

More here:

Rebuilt Blight Drone

2012-01-24T14:47:00.000Z

And here 'tiz, the rebuilt Blight Drone from an interesting mix of super glue, milliput, green stuff, wire and resin fragments.

Nurgle Blight Drone

2012-01-23T13:03:00.000Z

I decided to buy two more Blight Drones to finish my squadron. This is the first. I would like to show you more pics but a few secdonds later a huge gust of wind sent in airborne and it shattered on landing - and I do mean shatter. I am putting something back together with a great deal of milliput and green stuff.

Ho hum!

Britain is a highly wind blown island.

The Start of Strategic Air Warfare

2012-01-19T12:29:00.000Z

96 years ago today, the first strategic air attack occurred when Zepplins raided Gt Yarmouth in East Anglia.

I seem to be stuck on airships recently.

Apocolypse Later, Surf Now

2012-01-18T09:19:00.002Z

Now this is steampunk.

Life's a beach, so surf.

John

PS did I ever mention that I am from Newquay?

Plague Lord at the Crossroads

2012-01-17T20:55:00.000Z

One of the minor Plague Lords, the one responsible for spreading athlete's foot and bad breath, has been tasked with capturing the crossroads by the refinary complex in the City of Borstal. To this end he summons his (1500pt) warband of two warrior retinues, a dred., a single obliterator, a despoiler, a vindicator and a predator tank killer.

Guarding the crossroads is a detachment of the Fourth Luton Fusileers, dug in with tank support and out of range of the Nurgle weapons.

Lord Halitosis had a cunning plan, which involved running across the highway screaming. As a token gesture to combined arms warfare his vindicator would lead at full speed to try get withing blasting distance supported by the predator.

After clearing out the right hand building the troops will move through the ruined buildings from right to left clearing house.

A cunning plan which sprung an immediate link bedore sinking with all hands. The vindicator got totalled and the predator crew were cross eyed.

As usual, the despoiler was shot to pieces immediately.

Displaying his usual fortitude of purpose, Halitosis immediately issued counterorders to charge the left flank instead. The dreadnought went mad and shot up the plague marines with its plasma cannon. This was not going well.

A storm of fire raked the plague marines crossing the highway. The obliterator went phut and the dred's legs jammed. I started taking losses but plague marines are tough, baby. They were just shaking off hits from this rotary-barrelled cannon tank, Admittedly a few bits got shot off as well but hey, mostly nothing serious.

In deep depression, well it's an illness innit, Halitosis was tempted to retreat but the nearest cover was now on the far side so he pressed on. When the marines got stuck into the Imperials it was good night Irene. the tanks fell to melta guns and bombs.

At this point the Fusileers elected to retreat rather than get massacred in close combat as the marines chewed down the flank rolling up thier position..

But by Nurgle the guardsmen had inflicted some losses.

Halitosis kept thinking of a Khornite called Pyhrus - but that is another story.

6th Edition

2012-01-12T09:10:00.000Z

A PDF of what purports to be the rules for 40K 6th edition has appeared all over the internet in the last 48 hours.

I have had a quick luck and it is either genuine or somone has devoted weeks (months) of work to creating a clever fake.

The game changes quite dramatically with supersonic flyers, overwatch fire, and evasion modifiers to shooting.

The competition players are going to go into a frenzy of activity rebuilding their perfect armies.

Nurgle Plague Marines - Forge World Conversion

2012-01-09T20:03:00.000Z

This was one of my Xmassy pressies, the Forge World Nurgle Plague Marine from the current Mrs John and a plastic marine box from number two daughter's boyfriend.

They were undercoated with Tamiya olive green spray, layered in yellow-green, treated with burnt umbar, metal bits in Vallejo copper and finally washed in Devlan Mud and touched up with MIG Rust Effect.

Temple of Thorns - Free Fiction

2012-01-04T19:06:00.002Z

The Temple of Thorns

Written by John Lambshead
Illustrated by Chantelle Thorne

She sat cross legged on a wool sack in the small cult room and prayed. To her left a flight of stone stairs led up to the ground floor of the palace and, on her right, a break in a low wall opened onto a shorter flight that ran down into the sacred bath, where priestesses anointed themselves with sweet smelling unguents in honour of the Gods. She faced a low stone ledge that was covered in a thin sheet of gold on which stood small painted ceramic statuettes of the Gods, surrounded by token sacred offerings of flowers and berries that were fashioned in faience.

This story can be read for free on the Baen site at the momen. Try this, or click the link top right and then the link for 'Sample Chapters'.

My story is Chapter 5.

Torchwood

2012-01-04T18:31:00.000Z

Whi is this immortal time traveler disguised as a WWII RAF Officer?
I think we should be told.

John is currently Drinking - Hopping Hare

2012-01-03T21:14:00.000Z

A golden seasonal ale from Badger Beers of Dorset,

Chin, chin, chaps.

Necrosius, Sorcerer of Nurgle

2012-01-02T16:57:00.000Z

Tis the sorcerer Necrosius of Nurgle plus Minders.

Do the Funky Nurgle.

Always leave 'em wanting more.

Happy New Year from London

2012-01-01T09:53:00.001Z

The Palace of Westminster, Big Ben (above).

Tower Bridge, City of London (above).

London Eye, The South Bank (below).

Nurgle Daemon-Possessed Vindicator

2011-12-29T11:58:00.000Z

This is one of my kit rebuilds. I bought a somewhat beat up Rhino on eBay, fitted a spare demolisher cannon and dirtied it up a bit with some green stuff, multiple paint layers, Mig rust treatment and Mig Rust powder. I am inordinately pleased with it.

Federation Security Bots

2011-12-27T12:12:00.002Z

Models From Black Cat Bases

Who also do a nice line in Cthulhu Mythos and other stuff.

Happy Xmas Gaming Geeks

2011-12-25T10:43:00.001Z

Artwork: Darren MA Calvert

A Merry Xmas from all the Staff at John's Toy Soldiers (me and rabbit).

And see Toy Cutter for more great pics.

Danger Will Robinson

2011-12-24T15:38:00.000Z

Okay, showing my age again but.....

Servalen & Travis - Blake 7

2011-12-22T16:19:00.002Z

I suppose I am showing my age but two of my favourite SF baddies are President of the Federation Servalan (Killer Queen, Dynamite with a Laser Beam) and her psychotic lieutenant, Travis. Servalan is deposed and resurfaces as Commissioner Sleer. Travis is killed by Avon, the most intriguing character in Blake's 7.

Blake 7 was devised by Terry Nation, who also invented the Daleks, and it has the finest ending ever of an SF TV Programme.

Nurgle Obliterator

2011-12-19T19:06:00.001Z

I paid £6 for both this model and the dreadnought previously featured in dodgy condition. I added a gun barrel, a new resin base and a lick o'paint.

Look out for old 2nd hand stuff that can be rebuilt because no one wants it.

Note there is a twitter group #miniaturemonday for crazed wargamers and modellers.

Power Sword - Chameleon Nanoflakes

2011-12-18T12:15:00.000Z

This is my first experiemnt to coat a power sword with Chameleon Nanoflakes, again using a clear varnish as the medium (Citadel Gloss). It is very diffcult to photograph this in late December even at midday as we have no sunlight - the the system depends for its colour on the exact angle light strike the plane of the surface.

Vevertheless I have attempted to shoot the model holding it in one hand in the window, while wielding the camera set on macro-close up in the other. Very far from ideal. I rotated the model to give some idea of the effect - which is inevitably very subdued by the dim grey light coming through the window.

Please scroll down.

Nurgle Warband

2011-12-17T12:39:00.000Z

The warband of Milord Nobblemusher, Daemon Prince of Nurgle, who sitteth at the right hand of the grandfather.

Reinforcements are on the painting table, just waiting for Nurgle's approval. Now you will have to excuse me. I have this bloody awful virus...

It's Lonely Out There - Baen Books

2011-12-16T10:01:00.000Z


Photo by NASA

It's Lonely Out There –
The Evolutionary Explanation For The Fermi Paradox

by John Lambshead

The Fermi Paradox is named after Enrico Fermi, who postulated it in 1950 during informal discussion. It can be summarised as: if the truth is out there, why haven't we seen some evidence? Or to put it another way, where are the intelligent aliens? Not a single shred of evidence has ever been found of a piece of technology that is not human. All around us broods a silent universe, the silentium universi (things sound so much more authoritative when translated into Latin, don't you think?).
Physicists have dominated discussion on the Fermi Paradox, Fermi was a physicist, because it appears to be an issue of astronomy. But actually it is an issue of biology since it is about evolution.
In this paper I am going to address two points: How common is life in the universe, and how common is intelligent life. To gain an insight into the second point, I will be obliged to consider how intelligent life might evolve. For the purposes of this essay, intelligence is defined as human-level intelligence, i.e. the capacity to create a technological civilization....

You can read the rest of this article for free on the Baen site, my publisher, as well as an original short story by New York Times best-selling author, Timothy Zahn.

Nurgle Dreadnought - back from the scrapyard

2011-12-14T16:55:00.000Z

I bought this for a couple of pounds on eBay in a fairly shot up condition. Alittle bit of TLC and a lick of paint and our blood-crazed friend is ready to squish his way across the Imperium. Old knocked-about models are fine for Chaos and Orky armies. Never overlook them for some reinforcements on the cheap.

Finished Spinner

2011-12-13T22:37:00.001Z

Decals and white trim added. Taken in the garden in the dark using a TTL flashgun.

Night lift.

The rabbit daemon decided to see if it would fly. Those are his teeth marks.

Things Wot I Grow In My Garden

2011-12-13T22:30:00.000Z

Something to fry for lunch?

Raid on Shaun's Flat

2011-12-10T21:35:00.000Z

"Sweep Group to Foxfire?"
"Come in Sweep Group."
"Inform Lord Wolfram that the extraction is comprised. Ultramarines detected in ambush."
"Foxfire to Sweep Group, attack and destroy the minions of the corpse God. Lord Wolfram himself has decided to join the raid."

The Ultramarine vehicles move forward.

Illuminati infantry advance of left flank. Predator takes up overwatch position on right flank.

The Predator makes a kill.

The Predator makes a second vehicle kill, the Razorback, while the full power of the Ultramarine ambush is revealed. The first Illuminati squad is wiped out, except for two who run away into cover, and the Rhino is burned killing two of the second squad.

Lord Wolfram teleports down with his elite body guard and engages the Ultramarine command squad.

The Ultramarine command squad and the second Illuminati combat squad are wiped out.

The Ultramrines fire a steady barrage wounding Lord Wolfram and killing all but one of his bodyguard. He teleports out after killing the two cowards skulking under the bridge. The Predator glides away to a rendevouz with a pick up shuttle.

The raid has been a failure with the artefact unsecured. Lord Wolfram has had a really bad day.

Blade Runner Spinner - Chameleon Nanoflakes

2011-12-08T22:23:00.001Z

This is a 28ml resin model of a Blade Runner Spinner. In order to give it an 'energy field' effect, I used acrylic varnish over the base paint saturated with Chameleon Nano-Flakes. They are intended to be used in a clear medium over black but I used it over deep blue and brown ochre. The micro-flakes are titanium compound covered silicon and cause a colour shimmer over the paint from copper to emerald green depending on the light interaction. It strikes me that the flakes could be great for power swords, holo-fields, force fields and so on. My next experiment will be to put them into the paint.

Illuminati Raid

2011-12-06T15:21:00.001Z

My Illuminati Chaos Marine warband is making a 1,000 point raid soon on Shaun's flat in their ceaseless search for enlightenment about the true nature of the universe.

The raiders consist of Lord Wolfram Gutenberg plus elite five champion bodyguard in terminator armour, two squads of marines plus standard bearer, a Rhino and a Predator in tank killer mode.

Turner Prize

2011-12-06T09:32:00.000Z

Turner prize winner announced. Three large white gallery pillars into square trees, topped by canopies of uniform white leaves.

Martin Boyce's works on show at the Baltic include a re-imagined library table and three artificial trees

Angular brown leaves made from wax-coated crepe paper are scattered on the ground, while a library table has been reconfigured into a playful modern creation.

Actually, I quite like this. It is at least creative. Who can forget the Light Switch?

The Slayer

2011-12-05T19:28:00.000Z

Another great mini from reaper. Young lady with stake.

City of London Police Force

2011-12-05T08:40:00.002Z

From

City of London Police distributed this letter around London businesses. We have witnessed the leadership of the Yard disintegrate under questioning as to why they turned a blind eye to criminality in the Murdoch empire - now this.

Hostile Reconnaissance?? Domestic Terrorists/extremists??

Reality Check: we are talking about a handful of people exercising their right to demonstrate, not Che bloody Guevara.

Are our senior officers half-witted?

Faversham Creek

2011-12-04T11:33:00.000Z

The ghosts of our industrial past still haunt our present.

The White Rabbit

2011-12-03T20:35:00.000Z

"Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!"

Alice and the Cheshire Cat

2011-12-02T15:33:00.000Z

Taking handheld photos in England in December is a pain. I have a Jessops AFD-N for my Nikonv SLR. Sometimes it works but often it doesn't.

John Carter of Mars

2011-12-01T14:08:00.001Z

Stills from the new movie. I am a little disappointed that Mars looks so much like the USA. It is the Red Planet after all. Still, the visuals are good. I wonder if they will hire a decent script writer?

Trailer here:

Sunrise over the Medway Towns

2011-11-30T07:33:00.001Z

This morning's sunrise through my lounge window.

Oare Mashes

2011-11-29T08:12:00.000Z

Another of the photos I took last weekend.

Queen of Hearts

2011-11-28T16:02:00.000Z

"The Queen of Hearts

She made some tarts,

All on a summer's day;

The Knave of Hearts

He stole those tarts,

And took them clean away."

So the Queen sent the Deuce to give the bugger a good kicking. That'll learn him.

North Kent in Autumn

2011-11-28T12:34:00.001Z

The Emperor's Finest - Tomorrow's War

2011-11-27T11:26:00.000Z

To playtest Tomorrow's War we set up a scenario of two five man Adeptus Arbites squads clearing some cultist scum out of a broken down industrial zone.

One squad has a medium support weapon. The Arbites shotguns function as rifles, firing heat-seaking rounds.

I did not use all the chaos cultists pictured here. We decided to have four squads of five with rifles, two of the squads having medium support weapons. In other words double the Arbites.

We stuck to testing the core rules, ignoring morale as both sides are fanatics. The cultists are irregulars (using D6s to hit etc) so we used the Asymetric Warfare rules. The main one being that the Arbitese are always the initiative side. The Arbitese are veterans using a D10 dice. As you roll die against each other for various outcomes D10 has much better odds than D6. We also ignored the casualty evacuation rules which are far too all pervasive. Cultists wouldn't care and Arbitese are dedicated. The current focus with casualty evacuation is a modern Western response to losing soldiers in unpopular guerrilla wars. Such finickyness wouldn't survive a high intensity war and non-Western military are not so fussy.

I decided to play the Action/Reaction cascade limited to Action/ Reaction to the action/ Reaction to the reaction using overwatch or opportunity fire.

The Game

We set the first game up as above. The Arbites are ambushed by cultists in buildings.

One Arbites squad rushes out with the second on overwatch. They all dies in te crossfire due to some abyssmal die rolling. However, turn by turn, the remaining squad started to slaughter all cultists within line of site and the cultists couldn't lay a mutated glove on them.

Game Two.
The Arbitese close in on the cultists in a pincer movement, firing as they advance.

Cultists start dieing.

The cultists are methodically slaughtered, killing only one Arbitese in reply.

So what went wrong. Well, at one level it all went right, Arbitese do the biz when confronted with cultists. Very true to the 40K canon but not a lotta fun. I suspect that the way the combat system works, the cultists would have done much better in two groups of ten. That way they could swamp the Arbitese with firepower.

Five cultists fire five D6 as their basic attack against 7D10 for the Arbitese defence (5 plus 2 for armour), which has to match each 4+ hitwith an equal value die roll to remove it. Ten cultists with a support weapon would fire 13 D6 but the defence is still 7D10.

Tomorrows War - First Impressions

2011-11-24T11:15:00.003Z

There have been a rash of wargaming books from Osprey recently. Field of Glory is on sale everywhere, although I don't know anyone who actually plays it.

Now Osprey are entering the SF field with Tomorrow's War.

Physical Production: Not bad at all. You get a hardback 250 page book for £15. The artwork is surprisingly so-so for Osprey. It doesn't compare with GW or even small independents like Warlord.

Back Story: Not very exciting. It isn't tomorrow's war it's today's war. With these rules a player can refight Iraq or Afghanistan dressed up a bit. The backstory is very derivative. It's Stargrunt, only written as an American wet dream rather than a British wet dream. 2300AD is politically identical to 2000AD with America as top nation (although it now has a higher living standard than other first world nations), the UK as Batavians to America's Rome, plucky little allies, and so on. The black hats are Islamacists, North Korean style military dictatorships, and Soviets. It is slightly amusing that American colonies that are more economically powerful still owe allegiance to the mother nation across the light years. That has not been the British experience. :)

The science of 2300 is strangely patchy. Antigravity and FTL spacecraft are commonplace but soldiers still walk around battlefields clutching rifles and driving tanks. The life sciences do not seem to have moved forward at all, which is odd given the rise of molecular biology.

One point did make me smile. The suggestion that hovercraft-tanks can cross water. It reminds me of the old joke about the man who stopped his lorry before a flimsy bridge to bang on the side. When plod enquired what he was up to, he explained that his cargo was live pigeons and that he was banging the lorry panels to make them fly up in alarm -and so lighten the lorry before crossing the bridge.

Still, none of this matters very much. It's just an excuse for us to play toy soldiers, after all.

Rules: Bloody awful. The rules place more emphasis on training/morale than gadgets, which I whole heartedly approve. If technology won wars, Vietnam would have been a pushover and the Afghan war wouldn't have lasted longer than WWI and WWII put together with no end point in sight. But the rules are the most god-awful mess. Everything you might possibly want to play Iraq with gizmos is there but they are scattered incoherently all over the place. There is no attempt to separate core rules from side issues that most players will never use. This is basically a squad-level skirmish game played at one model represents one man.

There is no way into the game.

Worst of all, it has an interesting and complicated action-reaction sequence that I understand is characteristic of games designed by Ambush Alley. BUT NOWHERE IS THE SYSTEM ACTUALLY EXPLAINED. The player is left to make inferences by piecing together clues from all over the place. I have read it over an over again and I am still not sure I have it right. Yet this is the heart of the game.

Frustrated, you betcha, as the fragrant but incoherent Ms Palin might put it.

Finally there is no rules and table summary in one place. Ambush Alley want to get a set of Hail Caesar and learn from the master.

I am not giving up on this. I suspect there is a good game in there but I will never be sure how much I am playing the game as the authors intended and how much I am playing my game based on some of their ideas.

Imperial Guard - Fire Support

2011-11-17T15:52:00.000Z

A spotter track an enemy tank for an ATM launch.

This is the army that I have sold. I thought I would take a few picks.

Soulder launched missiles - the infantry's heavy fire support.

A mortor team awaits target instructions.

Spotter checks vox downloaded fire grid reference for targets.

Target aquired, five rounds rapid.

Heavy bolter teams move up to support the infantry line.

A Strange Customer Experience at Maelstrom

2011-11-15T11:00:00.001Z

Maelstrom

I have had a really strange customer experience dealing with Maelstrom Games.

I ordered four Spartan Games ships via eBay. They arrived crammed into too small a box. Three of the four resin ships were damaged. I phoned customer services and they agreed to exchange them. I returned them and was instantly refunded my postage.

Undeterred, I ordered another box of ships and some play cards. I have dealt with Maelstrom before and was happy with the service and wasn't going to hold one problem against them. The second order of ships arrived fine but not the play cards.

After a week, the broken three had not been replaced but I found my returns relisted on eBay as 'used items'.

Another phone call, and the three replacements arrived, of which only one was broken. I decided to accept this and repair it myself - I just could not bother to go through another return experience - but all four 'ship cards' were missing.

A third phone call and another wait for the ship cards. Meanwhile the play cards still hadn't arrived so I queried via eBay. I got a refund and an explanation that the stock had been damaged in an accident and was unsellable. Fine, but they were still offering three more identical sets for sale according to my eBay screen???

After four weeks, the ship cards had not arrived so I started an eBay complaint. This ran its course without Maelstrom ever replying to the complaint so, 6 weeks after about the ships were first ordered, eBay gave me a partial refund - about 40%.

I suppse I am OK with this. I got four ships without the cards for about 60% advertised price but it took 6 weeks, three calls, a posting return, and the eBay complaints procedure. I am not sure I can be bothered to go through all this next time I want to order some models.

EDIT ADDITION: Apparently on reviewing the case eBay have decided to convert my part refund into a full refund.

More Gladiators

2011-11-14T22:22:00.000Z

Lest We Forget

2011-11-11T11:11:00.000Z

Sgt Percie Mitchel Lambshead Military Medal
Duke of Cornwall's Light Infantry - Algeria, 1942
Duke of Cornwall's Light Infantry - Tunisia, 1943
King's Shropshire Light Infantry - Anzio, 1944

Three Galdiator Pairs

2011-11-08T15:25:00.000Z

Myrmillo vs Cruppellarius

Retiarus vs Secutor

Myrmillo vs Retiarius

MY IG Army

2011-11-07T18:05:00.000Z

Some of them still need a lick 'o paint but I intend to sell after an offer from a fellow blogger.

2011-11-06T18:51:00.001Z

Tried a new set of gladiator rules: Are You Not Entertained.

These can be downloaded for free.

They have the opposite problem to Forge World's Gladiator, where it can all end rather quickly. A gladiator has two 'wounds' and a trident can inflict three in a single strike. Gladiators in AYNE have 20 wounds. The atacker chooses an attack type from three options and the defender has two options BUT the attack/defence options do not interact. Shaun and I fought about a dozen rounds of combat between two gladiators without conclusion before we got bored and gave up. It was largely a die rolling contest.

Still looking for a set of rules.

The Tube - Dr Who

2011-11-06T10:08:00.000Z

This map is going to get a lot more convoluted if Steve Moffat writes the scripts.

Medway's New London Airport

2011-11-03T11:18:00.000Z

This is the prosed new London airport to be built across the mouth of the Medway Estuary. It would inevitably create a major megapolis on the eastern sideof the Green Belt.

One point to consider, the Medway estuary is a major migration stopover zone for wading birds. Birds - jet engines - hmmm.

I wonder what it will do for house prices in the Medway Towns?

Battle On The Medway

2011-10-31T13:54:00.001Z

The first Battle on 'English' soil that we have any hope of recreating is the Battle of the Medway between the forces of Claudius Caeser and the British. The Celtic Bridge (or crossing point|) was where the Medway cuts through the North Downs - where the foreground Rochester road and rail bridges are located, L. This is a strategic choke point between the continent and the rich lowlands of Britain. The Celts burnt the bridge and concentrated on the right bank, hoping to hit the Romans as they crossed before withdrawing to the right to a bridge over the Thames.

The Romans probably approached along the far side of the North Downs to the left. Two legions demonstrated on the bank at point L to hold the attention of the British. Meanwhile, Batavian cavalry crossed the river to the left of point B, near the Royal Dockyard. Batavians were river specialists from Holland who could swim the river in full combat gear. They curved around behind the British and a cavalry cchariot battle developed.

Vespasian crossed the river with his legion at a point hidden from the British upstream at point V, where the modern M2 motorway and high speed Eurostar line cross the river. He then moved down the right hand (north) bank to urprise the Celts on their left flank. The British were now pinned on both flanks and the main Roman force crossed the river.

Crossing point for the main Roman force of two legions in immediate foreground.

The British were forced into a set piece battle with the Roman Army and slaughtered. Caratacus escaped north to the bridge on the Thames with other mounted warriors. He was hard pressed all the way by Roman auxilliaries and the Batavi again swam the river to outflank the Celts while the other auxilliaries struggled to find the causeway through the Thames marshes.

Caratacus escaped but his army was destroyed. The Romans poured across the lowlands. This was the battle that won the Roman Province of Britannia. They did not meet further resistance until they reached the highlands of Wales and the English Westcountry.

MF Global - Sovreign Debt Casualty?

2011-10-31T12:00:00.000Z

http://www.wellcoolstuff.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Category_Code=MTPCS

MF Global is bankrupt. It started in the C18th in London as a brokerage and is still based in the East End.

"Since taking over as chief executive of MF Global in March 2010, Mr Corzine has sought to transform a company that began in late eighteenth century London as an agricultural broker, into a trading house that would make bets with its own money."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/banksandfinance/8859103/MF-Global-close-to-asset-sale-and-bankruptcy-after-European-debt-bets.html

Corzine is a product of the Great Vampire Squid, Goldman Sachs.

I wonder if this affects his bonus?

'Taint Right

2011-10-30T13:21:00.001Z

On hearing that the FTSE 100 company directors have awarded themselves a 49% pay rise, Matthew Paris noted in his column in yesterday's Times "For every protest junkie in a tent outside St Paul's yelling: 'Down with global capitalism' there are a thousand middle income householders in Bromley, Bletchley and Barrow, studying directors' pay and muttering; 'It just isn't right'"

I suspect he may be half remembering the poem by Kipling about The Saxons (English).

Norman and Saxon

A.D. 11.00

"My son," said the Norman Baron, "I am dying, and you will be heir
To all the broad acres in England that William gave me for share
When he conquered the Saxon at Hastings, and a nice little handful it is.
But before you go over to rule it I want you to understand this:–

"The Saxon is not like us Normans. His manners are not so polite.
But he never means anything serious till he talks about justice and right.
When he stands like an ox in the furrow – with his sullen set eyes on your own,
And grumbles, 'This isn't fair dealing,' my son, leave the Saxon alone.

"You can horsewhip your Gascony archers, or torture your Picardy spears;
But don't try that game on the Saxon; you'll have the whole brood round your ears.
From the richest old Thane in the county to the poorest chained serf in the field,
They'll be at you and on you like hornets, and, if you are wise, you will yield.

"But first you must master their language, their dialect, proverbs and songs.
Don't trust any clerk to interpret when they come with the tale of their wrongs.
Let them know that you know what they're saying; let them feel that you know what to say.
Yes, even when you want to go hunting, hear 'em out if it takes you all day.

They'll drink every hour of the daylight and poach every hour of the dark.
It's the sport not the rabbits they're after (we've plenty of game in the park).
Don't hang them or cut off their fingers. That's wasteful as well as unkind,
For a hard-bitten, South-country poacher makes the best man- at-arms you can find.

"Appear with your wife and the children at their weddings and funerals and feasts.
Be polite but not friendly to Bishops; be good to all poor parish priests.
Say 'we,' 'us' and 'ours' when you're talking, instead of 'you fellows' and 'I.'
Don't ride over seeds; keep your temper; and never you tell 'em a lie!"

Of course our current corporate masters lack the political skills and brains of the Normans.

Gladiator

2011-10-30T11:08:00.002Z

The retiarius with his net is one of the key gladiator types. Shaun and I had some problems working out how the net worked, so I after the game I reread the rules. Throwing the net is fine but the problems come after the opponent is entangled. Part of our confusion had been caused because there are two entanglement charts in different parts of the rules that are almost, but not quite, the same. This is a general comment incidentally, the rules are badly disorganised.

OK, so we ignore the first table differences as they appear to be a typo and focus on the second. You entangle your opponent and then roll a die and consult the table. A 1 or 2 seems clear enough but how about a 3-5? The victim can only 'defend himself'. What does that mean? Not use an offensive weapon? Not charge? And is the entanglement permanent? How does the victim free himself? Can he free himself? The explanation of a die roll of 6 hardly helps. The victim can't use his weapon? How does this differ from 3-5? The victim can only be disentangled by a mate? Does this mean that a 3-5 should be treated as a 1-2 for this purpose?

Problems, problems.

Gladiator is typically Forge World. Nice production values but is there no one in Forge World that speaks English well enough to edit?

Incidentally, the idea of a 'fisherman' dragging a victim 3 or more metres towards him with a rope are not realistic. The gladiator had a trident in his other hand and the net has to be 'spun' to spread out and entangle a victim.

Gladiator has gone to 50% discount within weeks of publication. At ten pounds it is a good deal as a source book.

ADDITION

I reckon this would work and be within the spirit of the rules.

A. Throw net as per usual rules except that it is a one-shot weapon.

B. If you get a hit, i.e. entanglement, roll a result die:
1 or 2 - net cast results in harmless entanglement
3, 4 & 5 - net cast inhibits victim's movement: -1 to all model stats (including weapon)
6 - as above but -2

C. At the start of the entangled model's movement the player MAY roll a die to try to remove the net.
1 - model stumbles, roll on stumble table, model still entangled
2-5 - model still entangled
6 - model slips out of net

A Day at the Games

2011-10-29T12:10:00.001+01:00

My regular opponent, Shaun, and I tried out Gladiator. This is a first try, probably with a dodgy understanding of the rukles [health warning].

A real match would have taken at most 15 minutes to resolve but would have involved brief clashes, mostly resulting in light (or no) wounds with victory going to the gladiator least affected by exhaustion and blood loss. The duelists were seperated after each wound inflicted. This was a sport; it had rules.

In Gladiator, the combatants only have two wounds before incapacity so the end can be very quick, given that a trident can inflict three wounds. Shaun's net and trident men massacred my swordsmen in double quck time, or it would have been double-quick time if we were not learning the rules.

Interesting game. I definitely want to try it more. My gut feeling is that it is better with multiple fights rather than single duels. It does have a 'choose target' table as a bolt on but I don't think it will add much to a single duel.

This definitely lends itself to a 'campaign', which could be played in a single night.

The models here are Shaun's.

Short Reviews

2011-10-27T21:59:00.000+01:00

The Great War
This is essentially 40K tweaked. If you want to play 40K using WWI models then fine but little thought has gone into what made WWI such a terrible experience. The problem is that 40K is heroic fantasy combat with added guns. WWI was the first industrial-scale war between major powers that used massive firepower. Not recommended.

Gladiator
This is a rework of the Lord of the Rings system. As a skirmish system it is not entirely inappropriate for gladatorial combat but, equally, it's not especially atmospheric either. The LotR system is not great for ritualised (sport?) one on one combat. The book is full of useful and interesting information and has nice scenarios and campaign systems and can be recommended on that basis but it needs more specific game mechanics. Recommended with reservations.

Sorry to lose you but...

2011-10-25T14:01:00.000+01:00

I have been ebaying a tranche of my old models recently. Only a few more to go now. One must be ruthless or there is no room for more.

Elven Dreadfleet Dragonship

2011-10-24T09:58:00.000+01:00

I think I am getting the hang of seawater.

I crossed my fingers and tried a silver and white colour scheme. I have tried this before with consistent results - consistently awful. But, once more into the fray dear friends and if at first you don't succeed throw teddy all round the cot.

I think this has worked out a bit better. What do you think?

Poland Game

2011-10-24T09:51:00.000+01:00

Urban Combat on the eastern front. This is a truly fabulous display game set, I think, in Poland.

Undead Skaven Leviathan - Dreadfleet

2011-10-22T14:00:00.000+01:00

Undead Skaven sail the foamy brine in an undead dee-sea leviathan. I elected to paint the leviathan red because it reminded me of a deep-sea angler fish. Red is a good camo-colour for deep-sea animals as seawater absorbs red light.

It's a Bargain!

2011-10-22T12:00:00.000+01:00

The Evil Empire are selling off ALL their Warhammer Historical Rules at half price (even mine). I saved some money by picking up a couple of books that I would not otherwise have bought. Hang on a mo, shurely shome mishtake?

On the same note Wayland Games are unloading their last stocks of the pre-cadcam Uncharted Seas ships for 40% off prior to the relaunch with newly detailed models. The game isn't going to change and the old models are pretty good so - another chance to save money.

At this rate I will have saved so much money that we'll be rich. Gotta go now. My wife has the carving knife in her hand and a wild glint in her eye.

Steampunk Paperweight - Impossible Fossils

2011-10-21T11:51:00.002+01:00

I bought this in the craft market opposite St John's College, Cambridge from Captain Hieronymus Bartholomew's Impossible Fossils. Apparently the good Captain was non-plussed when people complained about the cost of his amber jewelry when the could get 'amber from Poland with lizards in' for only two quid. He therefore set out to satisfy the market for impossible artefacts in 'amber'.

This rather beautiful steampunk paperwight caught my eye for the princely sum of £18.

Nessie Rules

2011-10-20T21:12:00.001+01:00

This is a 28mm Plesiosaur that I picked up at SELWG. I sprayed it gey and layered grey green over the top. The red flashes are mating markers. It seems to have taken a shine to a 1:600 Dragonlord Cruiser.

SELWG - Over the Western Front

2011-10-20T13:43:00.000+01:00

A superb WW1 display game. I like the sense of wonder it engenders in the face of the little girl. Well done guys.

SEWG - Golan Heights

2011-10-20T12:32:00.000+01:00

It was noteworthy how few SF&F games were on display at SEWG. Historical wargaming is definitely back in vogue.

I am pretty certain that this is the '73 war on the Golan Heights. You can see Centurions, the best tank of its generation defending the ditch.

Dragonlord Warships

2011-10-18T20:04:00.000+01:00

Spartan Games Dragonlord warships. These are three frigates, a cruiser and a Dragon Carrier.

Werelords Lord of the Rings Game

2011-10-18T13:01:00.000+01:00

My collueage John Treadaway (in NASA shirt) and his friends at the Werelords ran a large scale (54mm?) Lord of the Rings demo game at SELWG.

Painting Demos at SELWG

2011-10-17T16:19:00.000+01:00

Whose Bum This Year?

2011-10-17T12:19:00.000+01:00

An overview of the main floor at SELWG. If you recognise your bum please let me know.

One of the upper floors.

The B&B. The best stuff had gone when I turned up. What was left was of dubious value or wildly overpriced.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello

2011-10-17T12:12:00.003+01:00

This doesn't look like Ealing, Doctor?

Aeronef at SELWG 2011

2011-10-16T16:41:00.000+01:00

This was my favourite demonstration game at SELWG 2011 today. An aeronef battle over the Pacific Islands between American and Japanese forces.

Dwarf Bronzeclad

2011-10-14T10:04:00.000+01:00

Dwarf Bronzeclad Battleship sails the Sea of Claws. It has launched one dirigible and a scoutboat and is preparing a second dirigible.

Dreadfleet Monsters and Cog

2011-10-12T19:26:00.000+01:00

An undead sea dragon, a water monster and a cog. For some reason, ships boats are called auxilliaries in Dreadfleet and some are called cogs and modelled on same. It's a nice model but an oared cog with a single square sail was an early medieval coastal merchantman used in places like the Baltic. It's al very confusing. Nice models though.

The Death Galley of Queen Nefertiti

2011-10-11T15:53:00.000+01:00

The Queen of the Nile.

Sunrise finds Queen Nefertiti prowling the Sea of Bones.

The Great Dr Who Paperchase

2011-10-11T10:42:00.000+01:00

Let the paperchase begin!

Dr Who Magazine are giving away a free army of weeping angels.

'Tis The Wraithship

2011-10-10T18:18:00.001+01:00

'Oohh, aarrr, me 'earties. Shiver me timbers and splice the mainbrace.

Equal Opportunity Rioter

2011-10-09T18:30:00.001+01:00

In South London we have equal opportunity riots.

Wheelchair access guaranteed.

The Swordfish

2011-10-08T20:27:00.000+01:00

I have painted the first of my Dreadfleet, the pirate vessel swordfish.

The model behind is a cruiser from the Spartan Games Uncharted Seas. the scale, as you can see, is more or less the same, which is useful.

Dreadfleet is very good value. So far I am impressed.

HMS Gannet

2011-10-02T21:56:00.000+01:00

I took a few pics of the weapons fitted to HMS Gannet - a classic colonial gunboat - now an exhibit at Chatham Royal Dockyards.

Uncharted Seas - Spartan Games

2011-10-01T17:50:00.000+01:00

Spartan Games' Uncharted Seas Fantasy ships are on special offer from Wayland as the game is to be relaunched. I could not resist buying a few. The ship hulls are one piece resin casting - and to a very high quality. Metal bits are used to customise and add weapons etc. This battleship is about 13cm long so the size is a good compromise between modelling and playability. This makes a great Plagueship.

Cruiser sized plague ships.

A cannon-armed ironclad battleship.

Ironclad cruisers and frigates.

Zombie Orcas raised from the dead by foul magics.

I am not so enamoured of the official rules which seem a bit finicky for fleet actions with record cards, critical hits, etc, so I will probably use my own rules. I am far too old and senile to pore over record cards when I fancy a game.

So What's This

2011-10-01T17:30:00.000+01:00

So what do you think this is and what was it used for?

Clue: It is currently on display in Chatham Dockyard.

First Clash over the North Sea, 1890.

2011-09-27T12:54:00.002+01:00

It's the Anglo-Russian War of 1890. Prussia attempts to relieve the Royal Navy's blockade of the North Sea by an aeronef attack on the British Fleet. The raiders include two battleships, one battlecruiser, one armoured cruiser, one light cruiser and six escorts. The raiders are spotted by a Naval Intelligence Department spy and a warning sent top London by telegram over the undersea cables.

The Royal Navy's fast aeronef flotilla sails from Aberdeen to intercept with two battlecruisers and escorts.

Two fast battleships and a heavy cruiser with escorts are scrambled from their base in the Firth of Forth.

The British fast flotilla spots the German fleet through a gap in the clouds and an exchange of fire commences.

The German fire was ineffectual but the British destroy four of the German escorts (yes, I was astonished as well).

The Royal Navy battle force enters the fight. The British cruiser is smashed by overwhelming fire but one of the German battleships is crippled.

The German fleet abandons its mission and escapes into a cloudbank. The two German battleships are destroyed gallantly while trying to defend the lighter vessels. The sea is littered with burning wreckage and the British escorts alight onto the water to rescue survivors.

The models are from Brigade Miniatures. I used my own rules, which are optimised for fleet play and so do not require written records or orders.

Another Cunning Plan

2011-09-27T12:30:00.000+01:00

Caught next door's cat in another cunning plan to catch a birdie while disguised as a bush. So far the mighty hunter has only brought down moths and, on one notable occasion, a baby frog but you have to admire his persistence.

NASA asks for its satellite back

2011-09-24T09:13:00.001+01:00

NASA asks for its satellite back. Professor Wulfgang von Stalheim at NASA said "We must have dropped it somewhere. We know we had it yesterday but when we checked in the back of the van it had gone." NASA's crack team of astrologers have narrowed down the location of the missing item from the study of chicken entrails to Canada or Africa,or perhaps the Indian, Atlantic or Pacific Oceans.

NASA reminds any finder that the satellite is theirs, unless it has dropped on someone's head, in which case it is Russian.

Princess Elana & Retinue

2011-09-22T16:06:00.000+01:00

The sculpting on the faces are not quite right but otherwise these are great models from Reaper.

I have to sand down and clean the base but otherwise it is finished.

If only I could work out what to do wuith them.

Wallet Alert!

2011-09-21T16:11:00.000+01:00

I will resist. I will not spend any more money. I will not get out my credit card. Oh shit!

Important Announcement

2011-09-20T09:41:00.000+01:00

Dear Shareholders and Clients

It may have come to your notice from utterly irresponsible press reporting that there has been an unfortunate incident at the Bank's London Branch. Wildly inaccurate journalism has claimed that our star trader, Mr Karaoke, lost £2B of the Bank's money by placing it on red at the Wonga-Wonga Casino in Soho.

This is entirely inaccurate. It was $2.3B.

I had every reason to trust Mr Karaoke's ability to predict the dropping of balls into small holes as he assured me that he had the second sight inherited from his maternal grandfather who was a Druid. So the fault lies entirely with Mr Karaoke and no blame should be laid at the door of myself or other members of the corporate management.

I must also lay to rest the scurrilous press rumour that Mister Karaoke was betting with clients' money. The $2.3B was merely some loose change that we found down the back of a sofa while looking for a lost remote control.

I am aware that gambling debts are not enforceable under English law but was persuaded by the Wonga-Wonga Casino's Customer Relations Executive, a Mr Tony Soprano, that it would be in our best interests to pay up.

The lost $2.3B can easily be recovered by sacking unimportant Bank employees such as counter staff and compliance officers.

We must now look to the future stability of the Bank. As such, it is vital that we retain key management staff so we will be doubling corporate management bonuses this year. I have been reluctantly persuaded that I must lead from the front by immediately awarding myself a 473% pay rise.

Herman Grubber

CEO The Cuckoo Bank of Switzerland

The Old Bunker

Geneva

London Defence Laser Test

2011-09-16T14:26:00.000+01:00

The next alien battlefleet to appear over London is in for a hell of a shock. Torchwood successfully tested the new aerospace battlelaser last night on a Ryan Air flight out of Luton. It successfuly disintegrated the airliner putting the passengers out of their misery. The new weapon was designed by a brilliant Cambridge physicist known only as 'The Doctor' and built by Sontaran Industries in Texas.

Bring On The Dancing Girls - 2

2011-09-15T14:08:00.000+01:00

Bring On The Dancing Girls

2011-09-14T13:18:00.000+01:00

I think I have smudged her lipstick a smidgeon.

The Durotriges

2011-09-13T14:56:00.000+01:00

Chief Weetobix, Queen Ginga and the Princess Tottytrix at their hillfort.

Two light cavalry units.
One chariot unit.
Six warbands.
One small slinger unit.

Cars Trains and Aeroplanes

2011-09-13T08:20:00.000+01:00

Travel was been a little tricky in Britain yesterday as the tail end of Hurricane K reached our hallowed shores. Being British, we carried on regardless. Stiff upper lips all round chaps.
(pictures taken from the Daily Mail).

British Hill Fort - Finished

2011-09-12T18:27:00.000+01:00

And here is the finished fort.

I undercoated it with white acrylic spray and then Tamira olive green spray.

Mud was put on with Winsor & Newton acrylics. The rocks were painted Citadel granite acrylic and then layered with dilute light grey. Finally, static grass was sprinkled on top of diluted white glue to give a grass effect.

Job done.

British Hill Fort

2011-09-11T09:43:00.001+01:00

There are more than ten thousand Celtic "hill forts" in England and Wales. They are somewhat misnamed because most are not forts and many are not on hills. They served as restricted areas for livestock, grain storage, religious centres and aristocratic strongholds. They presented only a minor obstacle to am organised army and were captured by the Romans by direct assault with artillery support, not siege works.

I built this example for Hail Caesar games. I am not the world's greatest modeller so I kept it simple. I bought an Amera plastic 'large hill' with a flat top for the princely sum of a fiver. This is 33cm by 29cm and has a flat top. It is robust and has a central support underneath so you can stand metal models on it without disaster.

Three packs of two part epoxy putty for seven fifty provided the earthworks and three pieces of North downs flint from my back garden completed it. The gate barriers are from a Warlord Plastic Scorpion Box.

Total cost so far: £12.50

It is designed to be representational, rather than literal. Under the Hail Caesar rules it counts as a 'building' with no rules modifications except that it is garrisoned by one standard infantry unit (a warband) and one small infantry unit (slingers).

Into the Hinterland - Caption Contest

2011-09-08T13:46:00.000+01:00

"Into The Hinterlands" is out in the USA. This is the authors picture that got left off the sleeve of the book for reasons of space (photo by Jo Drake). I am the one in the red shirt.

A signed copy to the best caption.

What have I just said to Dave?

Caesar's Legions

2011-09-04T10:44:00.007+01:00

I have been painting furiously over the last few weeks.

From left to right:

Gauls
Warchief
Four Warbands of 10-12 models on a 10 by 7cm base
Two Cavalry Units each of two 7.5 by 5cm bases that can be used side by side or one after the other.

British
Warrior Queen on chariot
Small unit of slingers, individually mounted
Two Warbands
Chariots on 4 by 9cm base, used in pairs for a standard-sized unit or singly for a small unit

Roman Legionaires
General with hunting dog
Mounted in groups of ten models on 5 by 10cm bases

Roman Auxiliaries
Medium Infantry mounted as Legionaires
Cavalry mounted as Gauls
'Cretan' Archers, ten models on a 7 by 10cm base

Germans
Warchief
Cavalry/infantry, six to eight models on a 7 by 10cm base
Warband, as Gauls

I play Hail Caesar at a roughly 50% unit size from the examples given in the rules. This is much better for a two player game on a home dining table. The original scale is designed for multiplayer games on a large table, for people with lots of models.

The 50% scale is convenient because it is easy to double up units to get back to the original scale if necessary. I mount the models together on a single stand because it is so much more convenient for both storage and playing. They are mounted on plastic card which could easily be cut up with a pair of scissors without removing the models.

A standard game would be ten units divided into two divisions with a general and subgeneral to command each. Point values for each stand are irrelevant and can be ignored. I suggest that a player be allowed to employ up to two 'large' units for every two 'small' unit that he fields.

This is biased slightly against the Celts.

To add some unpredictible spice the Celtic Player can roll a D6 die against the table below to modify the Celtic Army Size.
Die Roll        Result
1.                 -1 Unit
2.                 No Effect
3.                 No Effect
4.                 No Effect
5. +1 Unit
6.                 +2 Units

Warlord Roman Auxiliaries

2011-09-03T11:15:00.000+01:00

Warlord Roman Auxiliaries

Given my usual quick paint job with shading/varnishing carried out simultaneously using Army Painter Dark Tone, finished with Vallejo Satin to 'take the shine off' and stick down the static grass on the base.