Medway Club's VBCW Xmas Charity Game

Spode's Blackshort Legion (aka your humble scribe) have kidnapped father Xmas from Maidstone's John Lewis aqnd have him hostage at Little Wimpington as part of their demands of a British Bicycle for every British Worker and the railway gauge to be widened so sheep can stand sideways in the waggons.

Spode's WWI artillery piece, liberated from the Royal Engineers Museum, threatens a suspicious looking milk float who identifies himself as 'Ernie, the fastest milkman in the south'.

Unfortunately, the umpire ruled that Spode's air support has frozen up and is unserviceable - boo, hiss.

The Maidstone BUF block the road to Little Wimpington in support of The Blackshorts.

The Post Office Socialist Militia are tasked to storm Little Wimpington and rescue Father Xmas but they first have to hold a meeting to discuss terms and conditions.

Nazi Paratroops unexpectedly drop in to Little Wimpington to take Father Xmas into protective custody, sparking a firefight with Spode's chaps.

Then an armed unit of the Met Police Special Branch infiltrate the village and open fire on everybody.

Then it turns out that Father Xmas has magical allies from the North Pole who ride a self track laying train. This umpire is barmy!

Then up pop killer penguins and snowmen: this is getting tricky.

An armed squad of Kent Police arrive in Little Wimpington and start a jurisdiction dispute with the Met.

Apparently there's been an escape from the local Zoo.

A flying Anglian Mechanised Column.

The Nazi Stormtroopers capture Father Xmas and march him out of the village, protected by air support: Goering's breeding programme has obviously gone well.

Many thanks to Graham, fourth from left, and Mik, fifth from left, for such a memorable evening.

We raised more than £150 for the Royal British Legion.