Modern Wargame General

I am the very model of a modern wargame General

I've information historical, martial, and statistical

I know the kings of England, and I quote battles metaphorical

From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical

I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical

About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus

I know the scientific names of beings only fabulous

In short, in matters historical, martial, and statistical

I am the very model of a modern wargame General

In short, in matters historical, martial, and statistical

He is the very model of a modern wargame General

I know all mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's

I answer all rule queries, I've a pretty taste for paradox

I know the rulebooks inside out from 40K to Hordes of Things

I’ve nicely painted armies from obscure nations like the Sinhalese

I can tell my pikes from throwing spears and muskets from the arquebus

I can describe the Parthian campaign of Publius Ventidius Bassius

I know my colour theory including shades thought hypothetical

I can paint the tiniest model from ten mill to infinitesimal

And paint the tiniest model from ten mill to infinitesimal

And paint the tiniest model from ten mill to infinitesimal

And paint the tiniest model from ten mill to infinitesimal

I can re-write Warhammer rules in Babylonic cuneiform

And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

I am the very model of a modern wargame General

In short, in matters historical, martial, and statistical

He is the very model of a modern wargame General

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"

When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin

When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at

And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery

When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery

In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy

You'll say a better wargame General never charged his cavalry

You'll say a better wargame General never charged his cavalry

You'll say a better wargame General never charged his cavalry

You'll say a better wargame General had never charged his cavalry

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury

Has only been brought down to the beginning of last century

But still, in matters historical, martial, and statistical

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

But still, in matters historical, martial, and statistical

He is the very model of a modern wargame General