Beware of Greeks Bearing Long Spears - Hail Caeser

The Ionoian Greek city of Aquopolis locked their gates against the Imperial tax-gatherers and the citizens stood on the walls baring their buttocks and making rude gestures with their fingers. Such a show of disrespect to the King of Kings could not be borne and so Johnarxes, Governor of the Persian Satrap, instructed his warriors to gird their loins and march west.

They approached the plain of Aquopolis in battle formation in three divisions, a centre division of infantry under Johnarxes, a left flank cavalry division commanded by his brother-in-law, and a right flank cavalry division commanded by Zerxese the Nutter.

Hail Caeser rules were used.


The Persian Army encountered a Greek Army led by their strategos, Seanophon, blocking the route to the city.


Johnarxese order his cavalry forward, hoping to find a way into the Greek rear. Zerxese the Nutter launched an immediate charge, riding down some Greek skirmishers, while Johnarxese brother-in-law discovered a stone in his horse's hoof and refused to move until he found his Swiss Army knife.


Zerxese the Nutter decided to launch a head on attack against the Greek phalanx with his light cavalry. The heavy cavalry pivoted to try to exploit a gap opening in the Greek battle line.

The brother-in-law commanding the cavalry on the Perian left flank refused to move because Johnarxese had not said please.



A unit of Greek light cavalry on the Persian left flank smashed into brother-in law's cavalry units, forcing them back. The Greek phalanx start to chew up The Nutter's light cavalry. On the bright side, Persian heavy cavalry break through the Persian line by destrying skirmishers sent to stop them. Unfortunately, they stopped to loot the bodies and ignored orders to reengage the rear of the Greek line.


The light cavalry on the right flank are put to flight and all but the medium cavalry on the left flank destroyed. The remaining cavalry therefore disengage and flee the field [divisions break as more than 50% casuaties].

Johnarxese retreats off the battlefield with his remaining division. On the way home he composes two letters. One is to the King of Kings in Persopolis to explain the fall in tax revenues this year - it's the economic conditions coupled to inclement weather, guv. The other is to his sister, telling her to prepare for widowhood, as he anticipates her husband having a serious accident in the near future.

Thanks to Shaun who supplied the models, table and coffee.