Strategic Situation
Deacon John hunched in his bunker over a bottle of industrial alcohol as he received news of yet another disaster. The Imperials had pushed north brushing aside token resistance to occupy the whole Starport. He had shot the messenger, of course, and now had a small pile of bodies in the corner by his scalectrix set but somehow the news never got any better.
Now Imperial tanks had been spotted crossing the Wastes towards Hab 3, an abandoned workers dormitary zone by the second defensive line. John congratulated himself on his brilliant strategic insight. Had he not just moved an army into Hab 3 to stiffen the defenses. He issued swift instructions. Under no circumstances were his troops to launch lunatic assaults across open land. They were to take up blocking positions overlooking the Grand Promenade of the Sixty-Three Virgins and shoot up the Imperials when they crossed open ground.
A messenger appeared in the doorway to the bunker.
"Good news, oh exalted one," the messenger said.
"Don't tell me Lord Marshall Shaun has forgotton to send in his tax returns and is being rubber hosed by the Order Revenue," said Deacon John, hopefully.
"Even better than that," said the messenger, excitiedly. "Khorne Lord Mac The Knife miraculously survived his wounds and had vowed to lead the defence of Hab 3 himself."
Deacon John slipped off the safety catch on his bolt pistol.
The Battle
The Imperials used a super heavy transport backed up by a Leman Russ squadron, Chimeras and a Hellhound to drive a strike force across the open space of the Promenade. The renegades pinned their hopes on four heavy mortors, two heavy battle tanks and a lascannon armed Scout Sentinel Squadron to fend off the force. Mac The Knife turned up with a beastman and berserker warband.
The defence went well, both Imperial Leman Russ being neutralised in the initial attack. A lucky lascannon shot caused an explosion in the Stormlord's engine compartment, severely reducing its mobility.
A lucky shot killed a couple of berserkers. Mac The Knife went into a hissy fit and led the berserkers out of the defenses across the promenade to attack the Stormlord whereupon its vulcan megabolter ripped them to pieces. This time not even the beastmen could be pursuaded to follow the Khorne Lord.
Aftermath
"Good and bad news, Deacon. The good news is that the Imperials have been hurled back at Hab 3," said the latest messenger.
"What's the bad news?" asked Deacon John, fingering his bolt pistol.
"Mac The Knife is missing feared lost," replied the messenger.
Deacon John poured him a drink.
"Good and bad news, Deacon. The good news is that the Imperials have been hurled back at Hab 3," said the latest messenger.
"What's the bad news?" asked Deacon John, fingering his bolt pistol.
"Mac The Knife is missing feared lost," replied the messenger.
Deacon John poured him a drink.
Mac The Knife
Band of Brass
Beastmen
Excellent mate, Chaos just can't get the staff nowadays.
ReplyDeleteI blame the welfare state and all this PC stuff.
ReplyDeleteJohn
"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!!"
ReplyDeleteerr .. I don't think you can say that mate.
"What?"
Well, it's kind of inciting religious violence ..
"But ..."
And that axe of yours, it looks big, you do know it's illegal to carry an axe in public. Does it have a kite mark?
"WHAT?"
Don't worry about it, anyway, what I really want to talk to you about is your sexual discrimination policy, I've notice that all you staff are men .....
"ERRM...."
And then there's the elf'n safety executive,
ReplyDeleteJ.
To Deacon John
ReplyDeletefrom Lord High Marshall Shaun
My Scouts whilst searching the field of our last action for our glorius dead for burial,have found your field commander MacKenzie I Think he called himself he seems to be mentally unbalanced possibly a condition brought on by his severe wounds. Unfortunately we don't have the facilities to cope with him so we thought you might like to care for him yourselves. N.B. His stout canvas pajamas open down the back and the chains come off last.
No doubt in the future he will lead your troops to glorius victories just like he has in the past. Indeed if it wasn't for many technical defects in our own equipment I'm sure we could have accommodated him at Hab Zone 3 as it was we were forced to pull back after losing a Leman Russ and some of the weaponry and mobility on a few other vehicles. The Tech priests have been suitably admonished.
Dear Lord Marshall Shaun
ReplyDeleteDon't puit yourself out at all. Keep him as long as you like. If you must return him, do it from a Valkyrie at 30,000 feet. Don't use a grav chute. It brings him out in a rash.
Deacon John
Dear Deacon
ReplyDeleteI have one of those special large bouncy balls I do hope he's not allergic to PVC or Air.