Wednesday 5 September 2012

Modern Wargame General

I am the very model of a modern wargame General
I've information historical, martial, and statistical
I know the kings of England, and I quote battles metaphorical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical


I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings only fabulous
In short, in matters historical, martial, and statistical
I am the very model of a modern wargame General

In short, in matters historical, martial, and statistical
He is the very model of a modern wargame General

I know all mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
I answer all rule queries, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I know the rulebooks inside out from 40K to Hordes of Things
I’ve nicely painted armies from obscure nations like the Sinhalese

I can tell my pikes from throwing spears and muskets from the arquebus
I can describe the Parthian campaign of Publius Ventidius Bassius
I know my colour theory including shades thought hypothetical
I can paint the tiniest model from ten mill to infinitesimal

And paint the tiniest model from ten mill to infinitesimal
And paint the tiniest model from ten mill to infinitesimal
And paint the tiniest model from ten mill to infinitesimal

I can re-write Warhammer rules in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern wargame General

In short, in matters historical, martial, and statistical
He is the very model of a modern wargame General

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
You'll say a better wargame General never charged his cavalry

You'll say a better wargame General never charged his cavalry
You'll say a better wargame General never charged his cavalry
You'll say a better wargame General had never charged his cavalry

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of last century
But still, in matters historical, martial, and statistical
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

But still, in matters historical, martial, and statistical
He is the very model of a modern wargame General

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