She who must be obeyed and I went on a wild adventure today. We crossed the river into foreign parts. Of course, one does not need a passport anymore, not since King Alfred the Great's reforms of 889 and we all use the same currency since the demise of the Viking Silver Penny but nevertheless one is still conscious of the essential foreignness of the East Saxons from us Men of Kent. So I filled up the chariot and added extra cetane to the diesel in case I needed a quick getaway.
We paid the Queen’s toll of 150 new pennies and were admitted to the Dartford Tunnel under the Thames. Essex is a strange and wonderful land, very flat and wet. The people are so wealthy that they scatter their possessions all along the roadsides. The burnt out Ford index was somewhat lower than my last visit, some years ago now.
We travelled to the magic kingdom that is known as Lakeside. There we worshipped at the Temple of Our Lady of Ikea where we were gifted with a flatpack. Lakeside has strange and wonderful eateries such as Benny and Frankies or somesuch. The also have a Harry Ramsden’s fish and chip shop. Ramsden is an Ealdorman of the Kingdom of Northumbria and he makes the best fish and chips in the world. We eat beside a trio of cartiers down from Northumberland delivering more consumer items to the East Saxons. They were delighted to find a Harry Ramsden’s so they would not have to eat foreign muck but were stunned at the price. There was much wailing and a gnashing of teeth from the northerners but the fish is beautiful and the chips sublime so eventually they emptied their pocketses.
We travelled home to Kent with our booty before dark and the will ‘o wisps dance across the Essex mashes.
An all glass and metal lighted display cabinet from Ikea for fifty quid, can’t say fairer than that my son. The only problem is that it comes in one of those flatpacks that any child can assemble in ten minutes or takes me two hours with the help of a full range of power tools.